I’m sharing this to all the people who can/may/could/will relate to the life and thoughts of someone who’s in their early 20’s living abroad, on their own, or anyone who’s just lost and confused and feel like giving up.
Lately, I’ve been feeling really down since January… missing my friends, family back home. Confused about what I really want to do with my life. Not having any real, close friends in a new city that I just moved to. Having completed a Law degree yet not having a clue on how to use it; not having high job prospects here in the UK. Seeing other people on social media travel around while I’m stuck here, missing traveling and exploring. (Note that my Schengen visa has expired and I need to apply for a new one which I can’t at the moment because of my law training.) I’ve just been feeling bored and dull. and cold. This winter seems like it’s lasting forever.
Everyday I try to motivate myself. To feel good and positive. I do this by going to the gym or talking to my friends and family over the phone. I find myself “wasting away” the whole week feeling shitty, waiting for the weekends to be able to speak to people when they’re free. Waiting to visit my girlfriend in London or she visits me here in Leeds. Taking every off day as an opportunity to be outta Leeds. Not truly appreciating everyday as it comes. The only things I do here are study or go to the gym, yet feeling lost and not being able to put my 100% into either.
The only thing that makes me happy is when I’m with my girl or close friends/relatives who live in London. This just makes it harder for me. I’m relying on them for happiness rather than finding it within myself. This is bad. I didn’t use to be like this. Last year I used to be so much happier and more positive. Now I feel lonely, sad and pathetic. It’s problematic.
But today, I woke up and I read an inspiring quote that really hit me. It states: “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it”– Eckhart Tolle.
It made me realize that I need to change my thoughts. Life isn’t as bad as it seems. In fact, I have so much more to be thankful for. For instance, I pray for my family and friends everytime. And thankfully enough, their health is good. Mine is too. I have all my working body parts. I can move with no hindrances, I feel good, I feel great exercising.
I have had superb opportunities to work part-time and experience the legal world alongside Top lawyers and Judges in London and North-Eastern Circuits. Although I haven’t had a solid permanent job prospect here because of visa issues; maybe, it’s not what’s planned or meant for me. Maybe I just need to be more patient and keep looking.
I have this great opportunity to complete my Bar course in the UK. Albeit it’s tough, it is doable if one puts in the time and effort. LOADS of time and effort. I say it’s tough but what’s tougher really is stopping all distractions and just really sitting down to focus and read, analyse, work through long, thick pages of case laws and principles.
I have all the necessary things I need. A working laptop, a brand new phone even, a spacious accommodation, a gym membership. Everything I need for now.
I have a very flexible part time job with a boss who’s full of humor and never pressures me.
I have an incredible girlfriend who does so much amazing things for me; who loves me and is proud of me.
I have traveled to most of the places I see other people are going. And truth is, I still have my whole life ahead of me. I have so many more years (i hope!) to travel and explore.
I need to change my thoughts, mindset… Few more months down the line to finish my BAR. I have all these blessings in life.
My mom and dad and stepdad support me so f*cking much. Excuse the language. Everyone who matter in my life has so much confidence in me than I have in myself. I just need to let that sink in and let the negativity go. Everything will be fine. Everything IS fine. I should be thankful. and I AM thankful.
NO MORE moping around. NO MORE moaning, groaning, complaining.
So I guess what I’m really trying to say is, have MORE time to be grateful and look around you, appreciate what you have instead of being unhappy about the things that you don’t have. Life is good. Life is precious. Count your blessings. Enjoy it while you can. Things will work out if you take it one step at a time.